Sad and triggering to read this. I too have had the same experience with the VA.
I thought I had no where else to go.
After two years I refused to seek mental health care from the VA and went to county services.
By then I was mumbling in the streets living in vacant buildings because I was too unstable for shelters. I lived on $200 food stamps and church meals.
The county Medicaid doctors treated me with compassion and care.
They and the social services helped me obtain Social Security Disability Income. It only took seven months..with no reconsideration or appeals..no lawyer either.
Yes the VA almost killed me.
I believe you and hope you can get the treatment you deserve and need.
I never filed for MST/PTSD compensation..oh, and after the SSDI kicked in the fkn VA garnished my checks for over $500 for medications I gave to my county doctors..thousands of seroquel/depakote and sleep meds...they sent in the mail after I told them to stop. Big resentments there.
I also know MST compensation is 10% and PTSD is another 20%. Non-service connected. What a joke..because without at least a 60% rating you still would not get medical coverage for what ails you.
Anyway, check out your county social services AKA: the welfare office.Apply for medical and if your in need food stamps.
You have the right as a patient to refuse medical services from the VA if they say you are a veteran and can go there.
Also sounds like your unable to work so you may need a waiver. Doctors will evaluate you.
I also received compassionate therapy from a LCSW at the womens crisis center and counselors at behavioral health department.
All of these professionals were involved in the process and expedited my Social Security claim.
When I was approved for benifits I was able to gain stability and slowly get it together again.

Do you feel like the VA does it to break our resolve?
Are you having active suicidal and homicidal ideology?
Are you over medicating on meds the VA gives you by taking more than the prescribed dose?

I did.

Now I live real far from society, sleep outdoor under shelter in the jungle on Big Island Hawaii. I am 5 1/2 years into this journey for survivorship and still pretty messed up on some issues and conditions but feel ready to bring conclusion to the past and live with as much peace, understanding and comfort I can create here.
Hang on bro, your gonna' make it out okay.
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"