Glad you posted, admorris. Though a long read you might find my thread interesting:

imo, no, you do NOT have to love/forgive her. In my experience, people who have told me that are clueless at best, patronizing at worst. Particularly at this point in dealing with the abuse it's irrelevant and something perhaps for later, if ever. What she did to you was worse than what happened to me (mine was only physical, verbal and emotional...and virtually delivered me nicely-wrapped to my perp).

Again, imo, keeping people close to you who support your recovery is crucial. That may mean keeping others at arms-distance or even cutting them off. Well, whatever. It's YOUR life.

For myself, no, I don't forgive her. Though I cut her off long ago, her abusive behavior has continued to this day with other family members who are similarly fed up with it and have all but cut her off. Do I wish her all the worst? Sometimes. But what I'm finding is that she's already experiencing that karma boomerang anyway. She's a horrible, selfish, manipulative woman. If you'll forgive the New Age vernacular, the Universe is doing far worse to her than I ever could...and it saves me the trouble.