Howcome when I masturbate I become so triggered and almost tured on again about my abuse? I feel so much anger and rage when I jerk off, but take it out on myself and my body. I am not even erotically attracted to it, but rather following an automated pattern and replacing it with guilt, rage, and hate. I am so angry that the child porn that was made of me continues happens to so many others, along with other forms of sexual abuse, and there is so much easily accessible porn with those themes of abuse and the trauma and humiliation that we went through. It is not fair. My chest hurts and my eyes are filling with tears
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."