Childhood and adult sexual assaults. Childhood memories are murky. Adult attacks were perpetrated by 'friends' of my xwife (some of whom were supposedly friends of mine)that she partied and swings with. I was basically taken totally apart by these attacks-they destroyed 2 careers. In the end I was totally under their control-I was drunk much of the time. I had no idea what happened to me when my life fell apart in Spring of 2002. I was a soldier preparing to deploy. I have lived through 10 years of symptoms and intense active alcoholism. I had to be hammered out of my mind to sleep. Symptoms started with insomnia. I was hospitalized for 'BiPolar Disorder' one of the new 'catchall' psychological fashion words. My exwife went to psychiatric appointments with me shaking her head and acting concerned. I just celebrated 5 years sobriety on the 12th, but I have realized none of the 'promises'. Only major progess has been that I got myself out of situation and am no longer being drugged and raped. I have terrible psychological symptoms as a result and have not worked since 2003. I have 12 years of service and have struggled with guilt, shame on multiple counts. My exwife has made much mileage out of my symptoms over the years, as well as securing people's help (like bartenders) by telling them that I beat her and the kids, etc. I have lived the control and domination that others have described here and can attest to it's destructive power. I am a shell of the person I once was, unable to function, trust or even leave where I live. My childhood was one of abuse, illegal activity-drugs, violence, organized crime, etc. My mother is a sex addict and one of my attackers, she avoided and ignored all signs of any abuse. Her last husband told the story of how he used to rub his infant daughter's clitoris when he changed her diaper, he was PROUD of it. The people that I gravitated to were very similar to those I was raised around. I am lucky to be alive and still in serious danger. I have reported these crimes twice (they happened in a neighboring state)and the 'investigating officer' (JOKE) yelled at and attempted to bully and intimidate me last time we spoke on the phone. My ex is currently and actively involved in illegal activity-she runs a business that sells sex (new age shop/massage parlor) and my son (17) and daughter (22) are in that shop regularly, shop is 2 doors down from where they live. This is disgusting. I can tell all of you that if something like this can happen to me-it happened, I reported, and it was ignored, etc- it can happen to ANYONE. These are some very sick people. The VA has been little to no help-before I figured out the attacks I was seeing a VA therapist (this was after I had left my x)that I told about her extremely controlling, manipulative behavior and told him in no uncertain terms to contact or speak to her. When I missed an appointment, he called her. People need to understand that it is not just men that can be twisted into monsters that live to control, and dominate people through sex. These people are still doing this on AN ORGANIZED BASIS, they are a menace. These people have my ssn, and know where I live. My home has been broken into, women have approached and attempted to initiate 'encounters', etc. These people will never leave me alone and I have no help. I am grateful that I found this site. Thank you for listening.
Edited by Zug (03/01/13 10:53 PM)
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"