Everyone here probably has an opinion on what and when to tell children (in this case, boys) about sexual abuse. I don't know if there's information or laws on this subject elsewhere, but I feel if the world listened to sexual abuse survivors - in essence, EXPERTS on sexual abuse - we could better protect our kids from being abused and/or abusing others.
1. At what age would you explain sex and/or sexual abuse to your boy? Bear in mind that some of us were sexually abused as far back as we can remember. At what age can the boy start to protect himself in addition to his parent's protection?
2. Is an explanation of sexual intercourse necessary to explain sexual abuse? Should the boy know all the different ways he can be abused (i.e., someone wanting him to perform fellatio when he doesn't understand what that is)?
3. What do you tell your son about nudism? Some boys go skinny-dipping, or bathe together. At what age would you tell your boy to be cautious about exhibiting himself to others? (Remember - if he shows his nudity to a girl, for instance, he could get in a lot of trouble.)
4. Explaining that he shouldn't be touched in his private areas by a stranger is easy - but we know that very often, an abuser is a friend or teacher or clergyman...or a family member. How do you explain that doctors, for example, can touch him (if necessary), but friends and family shouldn't?
5. How do you tell your boy never to submit to abuse, even if this means that he might get beaten up, or threatened, or coerced in some other manner, and neither you nor anyone else is there to protect him?
6. What would you tell your boy about voyeurism/pornography?
7. What would you tell your boy about not touching others? Sometimes I think we overlook the possibility of our boy abusing others because he doesn't understand that it's bad. What would you tell him about touching other children's genitals, or snapping girls' bras, or talking about another child's genitals, etc.? A lot of that can be construed legally as abuse these days, I think.
I'm sure there are other questions, but if we could organize our responses to these questions into a instructional document for parents/guardians - from US, the EXPERTS - perhaps we could help protect the children of tomorrow.
I would REALLY appreciate your input on this topic. Let's please be respectful of everyone's opinion, even if you don't agree with it. Thanks!
Mods: If this topic needs to be moved to another forum, please go ahead and move it. Thanks.
Your loving brother, as always,
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.