Welcome, Drummer.

your own feelings are telling you what a courageous step you have just taken. i know it is scary - i have been there. but you did it. and now you are among friends who understand. you are no longer alone.

i can relate to nearly every detail of what you shared. there are variations - but all of our stories here are remarably similar in the devastating after-effects. for me it started at 5 1/2 and mostly ended by 13. but the repercussions have lasted for decades.

take your time and go at your own pace. don't over-load yourself or you will burn out. share what you can when you can and don't hesitate to ask questions - or feel free to just read and reflect. i'm sure you will find the same support, encouragement and understanding that i have.

hope to hear more from you,
Lee
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"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"