there is no shame in having been the victim of mistreatment (massive understatement!) - as you have been on so many levels at so many times. that is a legitimate description of what was done to you. you have owned that.
the problem is that the clueless ones want to make it YOUR fault that you haven't gotten over it. as though all that is required is a mental decision or act of the will. they seem to think that the daily and hourly and moment-by-moment reminders of what was done to you can be brushed aside with a once and for all resolution to not let it get you down. and you are supposed to put on a smiley face and act like everything is in the past and that the present is all A-OK. when the fact is that it's not just a "poor-me" pity party - but reality that bites and won't let go.
they don't get it - they can't understand what we have been through. they never will - unless something comparable happens to them. i think part of their refusal to empathize is a fear of feeling the pain that is so obviously part our your experience. it is easier and less threatening to push it all back on you.
yeah - you deserve to feel what you are feeling.
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"