Hey Still --

Man, you're in a state, huh? No way can I blame you and I'm glad you posted...all of it. Have somewhat been there. I lost everything just over ten years ago and have had to scrap my way back to a life I can tolerate...not the life that was. But that's the last comparison I'll make between you and me.

SmartShadow brings up a point. The wealth brings us comfort, convenience, "power" and a re$pect of a type. The tough part for me has been readjusting and finding people who will respect me without the dollar signs attached to it. I've found those people better for my soul. It's a tougher, humbling, more frustrating path, but has been infinitely more rewarding. In many ways, too, my life is simpler and calmer.

Okay, Still, you're scrapping your way back...and, well, it's gonna hurt a while...perhaps longer with those things from your past you're still grieving and I can't blame you for hanging on to them for a sense of security. I still hurt and am resentful on a lot of fronts. But let's skip the VM labels for now. They're useless. You have financial abilities of which, frankly, I'm envious. No one can take that considerable skill away from you. Now is the time, imo, for you to surround yourself with people who accept you, warts and all. The doc, for example, doesn't seem to be one of those. Perhaps he is and you may be misreading him. Nevertheless, find one who is responsive to where you are now. And though it's a PITA, do that with others as you're able.

What I found was a shockingly smaller core of people, new and old, who were supportive of me...and my soul.

What concerns me is that your self-worth, as you describe it, seems to always have dollar signs attached to it. Again, given your history, completely understandable. You weren't going to let ANYONE hurt you ever, ever again. Anyone who tried would be destroyed. Have I got it? You'd be a force with which to be reckoned. You had to find something to counteract the CSA's effects and it worked...to a point.

Sorry to say, Still, you're just a human being like the rest of us.

If I was your sponsor, I'd insist you ditch all the trappings that could even subtly identify your social status - clothes, keychain with the imported car key fob, expensive running shoes...even the car (buy a clunker second car if you have to)...hell, wear your garage or yard clothes, find a coat at a thrift store - and hit meetings for at least month in the most poverty-striken areas of town and discover what's really important. If anonymity is a problem, find meetings in a nearby town. For at least a few meetings, keep your mouth shut and just listen. And, yeah, volunteer for coffee duty.