My heart cored out and extinguished.... over a fucking false alarm!!!!
Son's preschool called me at work today, said the bus driver was reporting a strange woman was hanging out in front of my house and tried to take my son off the bus. The driver didn't recognize her and her name wasn't on the approved list, so do I release my son into her custody? In the middle of my office I said "No, who the hell is that person? Get her away from my son and get him out of there!" They took him back to school and in a knife-fighting panic I called the babysitter... who said everything was normal and the baby fine, she hadn't seen anything. Calm as I could I had her check every door and window and told her to dial 911 but not to hit Send until she saw something. More and more phone calls all over creation.... I'll be more mercifully brief with you than life was to me... turned out it was a different boy of the same first name, they were following protocol but got the kids mixed up for the "stranger" call.
I growled at the woman on the phone about needing to damn well be sure you are calling the right parents before saying something like that! She apologized for any aggravation it may have caused and I growled some more about how being told there is a kidnapping attempt on your son is more than just "aggravating."
Boy, good thing we spent our life savings to move here for the good school district!
Calmed and soothed my wife, and the babysitter, nothing actually happened, all mistsken identity, he is to know NOTHING of this, nothing happened, I decreed he is not to be made afraid.
Then I locked myself in a training room at work to cry, been at it 20 minutes now. Riding a wave of helplessness and hate and very very vividly picturing myself killing people in various means as I caught them grabbing and attacking him. NO ONE IS IN DANGER, IM NOT DOING ANYTHING. But pushing all the protector buttons, they don't unpush quickly. Putting him on that bus in October was my last straw, I remembered it as his coffin and my CSA achieved critical mass shortly thereafter. Triggered, shaking, stroked-out, acidified... whatever you want to call it now.
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny