LaD see your just trying to get through this like we all are some days are so much worse than others, you never know where a thought or a smell or anything can take you, some days are bad some just ok, even in “paradise” life sucks I’ve been here 2 weeks now and finally realized how everyone sees me, seriously, not everyone but anyone with that “normal” perspective, normally y I’d forget about it let alone write about it but it just shows you how fucked “normal” really is. I’m staying a block off the beach on the 16th floor, only one floor higher. So like anything staying up high means you have money or something, in my case I didn’t make the reservations, so that’s just karma, so here’s where it gets interesting, a well-dressed middle age man “definitely not married” I haven’t worn a wedding band in 20 years, and most of the time people see me I’m going to or coming from work, so I’m dressed nice, no shorts or sandals. It finally hit me. I overheard a grown daughter commenting to her mother; wink, wink, nudge, nudge, he’s gay, it got me thinking what do other people think of me, well gay but then I thought about it some more, a Richard Geer kinda thing, and the worst a confidence man, wow, people are so eff’d up, just “normal” right.

LaD as a father of 2 24 year-old basement dwellers I can’t imagine throwing either of them out, not saying because I have this great relationship with them, just on a human level, you can’t. I know how hard it is how cold the streets are how alone alone is, it’s why most people get together as soon as they leave home, the thought of being alone let alone making it on their own is something that they can’t do, mentally can’t do it, life is scary. As a parent I understand what it’s like to be shocked at some of the things your children do, but at a certain point they are adults, and as long as there are zero repercussions on yourself, you have to let it go, how do you think I felt when I found out my son was a mod for one of the bigger chan boards out there, I get it, mom thinks he’s 1 step ahead of the FBI or some bs like he’s a “leet haxscor” or something? Your life is no one’s business but yours but I know how hard that is in reality vs. words on a screen.

"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine