i'm really scared right now. the school superintendent is here and i just found that he has set up a personal meeting with me and my wife on Wed morning before school. there has been some tension between the staff of our school and him and the school board. and i have been one of the more outspoken voices for the rights, interests and opinions of our staff. i don't know if this is going to be a step towards better understanding and communication - or if my head is on the line.

this is a major trigger! i hate it that he can make me feel like a sniveling little brat. it's the old authority phobia - like the step-dad, the coach, the scoutmaster, the bullies, the bosses, the pastors - every negative authority figure from my past - all piling on. my heart is pounding and i am short of breath and my hands are shaking. but i am not a little kid anymore. and i am not a helpless victim. but he can still ruin my career and reputation and self-esteem and send me home in disgrace. trying to keep calm - but don't know how i'm going to make it to Wed.

"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"