i'm really scared right now. the school superintendent is here and i just found that he has set up a personal meeting with me and my wife on Wed morning before school. there has been some tension between the staff of our school and him and the school board. and i have been one of the more outspoken voices for the rights, interests and opinions of our staff. i don't know if this is going to be a step towards better understanding and communication - or if my head is on the line.

this is a major trigger! i hate it that he can make me feel like a sniveling little brat. it's the old authority phobia - like the step-dad, the coach, the scoutmaster, the bullies, the bosses, the pastors - every negative authority figure from my past - all piling on. my heart is pounding and i am short of breath and my hands are shaking. but i am not a little kid anymore. and i am not a helpless victim. but he can still ruin my career and reputation and self-esteem and send me home in disgrace. trying to keep calm - but don't know how i'm going to make it to Wed.

How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....
Habakkuk 1:2-3