Hey, I joined here recently. Its harder to post stuff than I thought it would be. On Friday I got into a big argument with my dad - over practically nothing. The whole thing got way out of control. He was saying to me 'I'm trying to stop you getting hurt, I'm trying to protect you.' Then I just got so mad and I yelled that it was too f-ing late for that. And I feel so bad now because it was really a low blow. Then my dad left and I haven't actually seen him since then.
Its confusing, like I don't know if I should hate him or not. He didn't protect me. Twice. We had this family therapy thing before, where he was saying how guilty he felt and how he thought that he could really trust his friend (who abused me. I was also abused by his brother). He said one time when he was kind of drunk he told some of his friends about being abused when he was a kid, and that guy was really nice to him and said 'people like that don't deserve to live'. The therapist was talking about child abusers, how they were able to fool so many people, and that they also abused the trust of everyone around them. Sounded better when she said it though. After that we talked and I said to my dad he didn't do anything wrong and if he thought he did then I forgive him, all of the blame was going on the guy that did it.
But did you not think it was weird when I refused to go in my own room for 3 weeks, and that I never wanted to sleep in my bed? And didn't you notice that some of my clothes were missing? And didn't you think it was weird when I was practically screaming, begging you not to go away for the weekend? And all the times I said 'I don't want to go there, X is really boring.' And you said 'Don't be so mean! He doesn't have any other friends.' (X is the nephew of the guy that abused me, who was also abused because clearly ruining one childs life wasn't enough) I got into so much trouble at school and my dad was just obsessed about having me evaluated for adhd. Why didn't he just ask me what was wrong?
I don't want to hate him. But I'm angry. But I don't want to be. And it really doesn't help that he has just childishly disappeared so I can't even talk with him. I don't know what my question is really. I feel like I have a right to be angry, but I imagine its bad for him and I don't want to add to the guilt he already has, so I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do??