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I clearly remember. Mostly I was concerned with my sisters and mother and dog Lucy. I wanted people to know where which stuffed animals should go where, what major toys should be saved and protected and how. Which important toys should go to my friends. I remember all that....so vividly.

My son has my trains now. Its absolutely amazing to see some small items the train would carry. They instantly trigger memories of retreat - retreat from the violence for a time...a way to stay close to the bathroom (cuz of rectal spasms and blood) without being bored.

It was those reasons and violent nights that I thought I was likely to die. I had to have a post-mortem voice.