Bobcat - because of the way you asked the question, my answer really distorted the way i told my own story. i answered honestly about how i felt about bigger guys but that is only half of it.

i was an early bloomer who was full-sized and developed in that area at only 11 years old, though having an average body size. i was far ahead of my peers and didn't really think much of it until they discovered that fact. suddenly i was a freak show and had no peace or privacy but was on display whenever they could get to me - in sufficient numbers and out of earshot of adults. i was a novelty and toy and the surrogate for what they wished they had but didn't yet. it was so ironic - they envied my larger size and hairiness and sekual development - while i envied their "normalcy" - small, smooth and immature. i am probly in a tiny minority of guys who were abused by peers who were far less physically mature than myself.

one of the effects of this was to convince me that i was a huge freak. then, when confronted by the super-jock - i suddenly felt like i was too small and inadequate. neither one was good. and i have flipped back and forth throughout my life between the two extremes.

another effect was to convince me that i was weak and powerless and had to be compliant and submissive to any and all influences - whether requests, demands or threats. of course, the prior experiences with the step-dad paved the way for that. i was well-conditioned by the time the other boys entered the picture. even one-on-one with another kid the same size and strength or smaller or weaker than me, i doubt that i'd have resisted or fought back. and naturally that learned helplessness fed my conviction that it had been at least partly my fault or that i could have prevented or stopped it if i had really wanted to.

just to say - it's all messed up - no matter what your measurements or placement on the time-line or comparisons with others. one extreme isn't necessarily better than the other. other peolple's opinions and judgments shouldn't have that much power over us - to make us feel so bad about ourselves.

"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"