I'm so sorry Matt. I wish I had something encouraging to say.

It sounds like your wife feels some shame or embarrassment over what happened to you ("you used your real name"). She needs to understand that none of this is about her. It is about you. I don't know that she is emotionally evolved enough to do that.

I hope that she can show you that she loves you by supporting your choice to deal with your past in a way that is meaningful and works for you. She does not need to understand anything in order to do this. Instead she needs to respect that you know what is best for you and support the fact that you are finally facing issues that are very painful for you. Do you think she is capable of this?