I remember myself when I got intensively triggered or during feelings of depression i'd try to slam my head with the abuse. i can't visit the place, but I did use youtube to look up some of the most triggering music that I heard every morning before going off to school where stuff happened and which frequently played or was sung during the abuse, I also used to subject myself to the smell of cigarette smoke and cheap perfume.

for me, this was always about unishment, a sort of mental and emotional self harm quite as real as if I'd slashed myself with a knife. On the other hand, Since depression usually caused me to close off and feel gnumb, indeed when i am triggered my overriding reaction is to freeze and retreat, attempting to trigger myself was always sort of a way of recalling the actual pain of the abuse, allowing myself to feel something that I wouldn't normally.

so, sometimes it was a helpfull thing, often it wasn't, it just depended upon my state and evaluation at the time. usually whether it was was shown how I reacted, since after listening to that music or smelling cigarettes I'd either go and listen to some more uplifting music, cry and feel myself clensed, or just feel even more gnum than before.

I'm not sure which way this is for you pirate if indeed it is similar at all, I'm just sharing.