I read to much recovery crap. I hate reading because invariably in reminds me of all the stuff I don't have that everyone says you should have.

Like support... and groups.

I don't have either and it makes me feel like I don't matter....

Then come here and it just does more of the same, and so by the time I'm done I cover over all that with anger because all of it really does just piss me the hell off.

Was reading today about a guy who started going to an AA type group and shared at one point, after being there for awhile that he'd been sexually abused as a kid... and no one said a word or responded so he vowed not to say anything about it again... he shared it again later with a pastor and was just just blown off.... so he vowed again not to share it again.... then like a year later he mentioned it in his addiction group and got the same result as the first time, so he decided it was just too big for these people and that he needed to find a group of people that understood and POOF He found a survivor group and it's just great and awesome and so helpful.

Well fuckn la dee da for you.

Must be fuckn nice. What do us poor worthless bastards do who don't have a damn thing and have to figure all this shit out on our own? I'm so sick and fuckn tired of being told everything I "need" and then just get handed a booby prize and told... "well too bad you can't have it!".

Invariably someone is going to ask me where I am so they can go look for me.... like I'm some kinda moronic retard incapable of properly looking on my own.... trust me, there isn't shit where I am and I really am up shit's creak when it comes to this crap. I get books and the internet. How fuckn lucky am I.

No one gave a shit when I was a kid, except some sick fuck who managed to convince a lonely kid that he was loved and that he shouldn't worry, it's how you knew a man loved him and he should just relax and learn to like it. And as a victimized little shit who's no longer a kid people care even less. Cuz a real man wouldn't have let that happen and since he did he must be a little fag boy and wanted it.

Fuck the whole fuckn world.

Yeah I know... If I hate it so much then why do I still bother coming.....

Good fuckn question.