congratulations on your ongoing recovery from those addictions. hopefully, this step of talking about your past and the painful events will add to your progress. there are many here who can relate to various details of your experiences - myself included. the support, info, encouragement and comradeship of the guys here has been a major part of my recovery journey. hope you find the same.
"My experience has shown me that I all too often tend to deny that which lies behind, but as I still believe, that which is denied cannot be healed." Brennan Manning, "All is Grace - A Ragamuffin Memoir"