Your story sounds similar to mine. I'm 36 now and started dealing with my issues in my mid 20s. I still don't have memories except for little bits and pieces, and most of those are from dreams.

I've done some talk therapy, which has helped me acknowledge the issues and give me a vocabulary for talking and thinking about it. Now, I'm about to start EMDR, which is supposed to help re-process things.

You're among brothers here.

But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found no spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.