Thanks all for your kind replies! Its been an interesting life for my brothers and I to have grown up thinking our dad hated us because he used to say "you have no clue what I went though" but he would never tell us. We were abused physically and emotionally because we didnt understand "where he was coming from" and it wasn't until I was 19 and about to get married that my dad told me out of the blue about his incest, rapes and mother abandonment. It suddenly all made sense to me. I wished he had said something earlier, we would have tried to help. But his abuse and abandonment deprived him of the ability to accept, acknowledge and give "love" as we needed it. So now that Im a mother and much older, my parents are at their breaking point in their marriage and he is finally willing to move forward in his healing process and I will remain at his side. I have been searching for information on how I can further support him through this without enabling and being codependent. I have found some amazing resources here and I am truly grateful.