I've been re-reading your replies and I need to say thanks to Gary, Traveler, Gecko and Jude. I have no words to say how much it means to me that you guys (and everyone else who reads this)give a crap.

Traveler was right I did know the answers to those questions (they were kind of rhetorical). BUT I am so glad I asked them.

All your responses have helped validate my own thoughts and feelings about what happened to me as a small boy and have helped me to accept that 'IT WAS NOT MY FAULT'. For 30+ years I have been telling myself that I was a dirty little boy who did dirty things. I have been blaming myself. To be honest that was easier to accept, to live with than the idea that I grew up in such systemically abusive environment.

After Soccerstar's post about oral rape being officially recongised in the states I have done my own research in Australia. It does make me feel less of a whimp about the whole thing knowing that if everyone who ever did anything sexually abusive to me was convicted it would add up to roughly 70-80 years in jail. That is a big deal! I think I might cut myself some slack now when I spaceout or get depressed or angry.

IT IS NOT MY FAULT! ..... It wasn't your fault either!

More than meets the eye!