To Magellan

I now have some perspective on your previous post, when you said I had misunderstood, that you were not suicidal.

The terrible experience of loss, when I never had the situation which I have lost is confusing. The anger at never having the opportunity to be safe, to always needing to protect myself, to not even understanding that thios is paranoia.

BUT it is loss. The progression through anger and depression to acceptance is full of pain. The added dimension youi have is that you blame your being (your genetics) for your loss. The unfairness was not created by you and you cannot eliminate the loss.

The T was suggesting that you should be proud that you have not surrendered to the loss and let it submerge your desires for the "best of what life has to offer". The fact that you feel robbed by your loss is inescapable. But your resiliance continues your search for your hope and desire.

Yes the pain is overwhelming when you see such total loss and your expectation is so low compared to your desiresa.

But as you travel through the pain you may also fined ways to make peace wiyth yourself. I have somewhat. And you may become more able to offer yourself in a manner which is less negative and grieving of the loss. The more positive presentation of self, not only as "not homeless or an addict," but as the potential giving and resilient soul you hold on to beneath the pain.

I wish for you peace that comes with this acceptance of the losses and seizing the potential of your future.

I struggle to let my resentment and anger to resolve. Then, my daughter tells me (In September 2012) that my father (dead 10 years) molested her when she was 8 or 9. Thr resentment returns and I begin the process of grief and acceptance once again.