I too was abused by my Mother and it went on from early infancy into my late teens even early tweenties. I blocked everything out as she died twenty years ago, but as with so many here it all came flooding back. Two odd years later the flashbacks are not so bad and the constant video in my head is a lot less thank God, but I feel only now over two years in am I finally really accepting what was done to me and how it has conciously and sub conciously blighted my life and especially my relationships with others.
Blame and guilt are such heavy crosses to carry and the one thing we and especially I is to remember we were not to blame. My familly blamed me, others blame you but it's their need of denial that causes it.
Im finally at the accepting point finally, now comes the coming to terms with it and trying to deal with the disociative alters i created to protect me in those vulnerable years. They have become so ingrained into me that they react on a hair trigger and before i know where i am Mr protect at all cost has destroyed another good relationship because of a percieved danger of getting hurt.
We are in a mess, but knowledge is power and finally accepting disociative me might just give me a chance to help fix me before its too late.
Had enough of lonely. xxx