To Farmer Boy

I was afraid to read or respond to your "Thread(s)". I could not imagine contacting the 26 year old man who raped and abused the 13-14 year old me.

And my older brother was my first molester, begining when I was 10. My experience with my brother was mostly his shrugging it off as normal for anyone who was abused would abuse others. He could not really remember what had happened to him, but we could compare notes about when we were 8 and 10, or 6 and 8 and identify the photographer who took pictures of us (and my little brother too)with our underpants on our heads. And maybe he abused my older brother. I can't say that would suprise me.

But, being 10 and having my brother ejaculate on me, or 12 and having me suck him wAS far less traumatic than your experience at the hamnds of your brother. Was it rape? If the penetration of any vaginal, anal or oral orifice is achieved, it is rape.

Are you just making a big deal about nothing? No. You were violated, manipulated, used by an individual you should have been able to trust. Only one out of three individuals who experience sexual abuse go on to become perpetrators. So it is not average, but it is not uncommon.

I have forgiven my brother, but I still remember when I wanted to kill him.

I still know that it was under his control, and not mutual experimentation. His experiementation on my and my little brother may have not been "Unreasonable," but it was a violation, particularly when it was not mutual but anded after he got his, and then beraTING ME AS A HOMOSEXUAL (BEFORE i KNEW what a homosexual was). This is part of my story and I am impressed with your care, consideration and process of healing and including the confrontation with your abuser.

Even now, I have that gut wrenching want to vomit fear reaction just writing this. Thanks for your model of bravery, both in what you did and in the detail with which you shared your experience.

Edited by genedebs (01/20/13 03:01 PM)