I'm a 33 year old man whose been in therapy for 2 years now(due to alcoholism and depression and social anxiety) and last week I told my therapist(via email) about the first time I had a sexual experience as a child. I was about 3 or 4 years old and this was the first time I've told her about it.

I've had this experience in my head for as long as I can remember but I've never made a big deal of it. The thing is, I'm not sure if my experience(s)counts as sexual abuse or not compared with some of the horrible stories one read about in the news, so I'm a bit wary of making a big deal out of it. But it has affected my love life, as in I've never had a GF and I've never had sex even though I had the chance when I was younger. I've simply not dared to do anything to anyone.

Without going into detail, I was 3-4 ish(I know this because we moved to another town when I was 5) and it involved an older friend of mine. My dad had passed away and I didn't have access to any male family members so I always went after older boys on the lookout for a father figure. I'm not sure how old he was, but I remember enough to know that he had hit puberty. Its kind of hard explaining without more details but I've been goggling all day on the subject and found this forum.

I had a therapy session today(I go once a week) and there were more crying than normal. My therapist was very careful, and didn't ask me any direct questions regarding the email I sent her. But, I found breathing to be more difficult and I really had to pull myself together.

Sooooo, hello to everyone I guess. It will be interesting to learn about your experiences and how you deal with things.

kind regards
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting.