If icky is a feeling, I've got it!

My daily, practicle life is for sht! I live on a budget so paired-down, Obama should hire me as a consultant...cuz I can't make the obligations either.

People in my life seem to be treating me like a collassal loser. I read "why are you Still screwy" on their faces.

My Psychiatrist (that's the full MD-type dude) suggested I "don't think about it so much." Actually, he TOLD me to not "think about it so much." This was yesterday, after reporting how the meds are working these days and that my nightmares and night-time flashbacks are Still so severe that I'm Still pissing myself on occasion.

I sleep with a large hefty trash bag under between my fitted sheet and the mattress for fk-sake....and this guy is telling me to think of other things!

I drove out of his parking lot fully stunned: Seven-years of CSA, 15-years of physical violence, 20 years and substance abuse, self harm and debilitating depression. An 18 year marriage, kids, 2 homes, a rock-star career...all gone cuz I could not hold it all together. My mind melted-down and I lost everything.

I don't feel entitled to even be me, let alone to be heard, be in recovery, have PTSD and DID.

What do you do when everything you feared and thought was true about you, is continually confirmed as "true." I'll tell you what I do...I believe it to be true.

Not only does it quack, walk and swim like a duck, but people look at it, throw rocks at it and shoot at it like its a duck. So I'm to conclude........what?

Edited by Still (01/17/13 03:12 PM)