i dont know if it helps you, but almost all survivors have issues with sleeping with their partners whom they love.
intimacy and love...and sexual stuff (which is felt as dangerous, unwanted, bad, overwhealming...) just doesnt go together. survivors can sexualize anything and anyone, just not their partners whom they love. that is until they heal enough from what their abusers did to them.
usually its got nothing to do with you personally.
your husbands saying that you remind him of his abuser only means that you do. so you should ask HOW you do that. is it your body, is it your hight, is it your character...
find out first before you start hating him more. how exactly did he mean that sentence.
if it really comes out that he chose you to be with him for the sake of making your life hell because he is reminded of his abuser, then you can still get out of this relation (hard but possible).
you not having kids is probably sad for you, but that too could be a reason for him not to sleep with you. he didnt want kids. he didnt want anything to happen to his kids. maybe he just thought it would. you need to talk to him. ask things properly and no assuming with a survivor, it just never works out.
i am saying all this, cause my husband sexualized children who were the same hight like his mother, who abused him for years. he had a memory loss and didnt even know anything about his abusers before. we went thru a lot, shits lots! but i did learn one thing, its never what it seems to be first. you need to really get down to the inner feelings of your husband.
even if you find that he really wants to hurt you because he hurts and he finds life unfair alltogether, then you still need to find out if that too has something to do with you.
this whole thing is so complex and very individual. all you can do is hope for him to being fully honest to you and you shouldnt forget yourself as well. you too do exist.
if he was with you all those years because he needed to "torture" someone and it worked with you, then you could still stick to "better a fast shocking end than a neverending shock". in that case, make sure you get help and you are strong enough to leave him.
everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end