sorry - naturally you are upset by this. but please don't waste your time beating yourself up over it. it was a mistake - own it and learn from it. hope you accepted the repercussions in an appropriate manner - that goes a long way. and it can still be addressed if you need to when you return.
i like what you said about having time to think and calling a new T. that is a great attitude to take - make something positive out of the unexpected bonus of extra time off. it could be very productive. you sound more balanced that the posts i read by you a year or so ago = then you seemed to be much more down on yourself. looks to me like you are doing better.
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....