there are lots of familiar themes in your story: partial and repressed memories, parental abuse, sensory triggers...
many of us have had similar experiences and can offer support and encouragement. my history included step-dad's unwanted attention from 5 - 13 as well as verbal until i moved out at 18. though i don't know details of your treatment, my recent life demonstrates that there is hope for a better life.
good to have you with us,
How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?
Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?...
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails....