She asked me a number of times,
How can you be on this site and not be triggered? How can it not make it worse?
I realy felt unknown in my struggle and process, and I realized we were using words all this time like being triggered, and we were not talking about the same thing at all. This is realy not her falt now that I think about it. Years back when I went through group therapy for sexual addiction the term triger was used in terms of what happen to set the adiction cycle in motion. I have been using the word triger now for years to mean any thing that causes an intense set of emotions or reactions that is disproportionate to what is actually going on. I think she may have been thinking it always leads to intence sexual arousal or something. I explained when I talk about being triggered It is an intence internal reaction to something I experance. I told her that that it can have a sexual component to it but not much anymore for me, but if it dose its more like 2 cup of terror, 4 cup of pain, 2 cups of dread and 3 ounces of sexual energy all forced into my vains at once. Nothing good about it. I explained that I could not even stand to be in my own skin let alone be in the presents of another person. I explained that this was why I have such an aversion to the idea of talking through this stuff with a T.
I also explained that for the first time in my life I had the MS comunity to process with and I was starting to learn about my self and grow. I was not compleatly alone in all of this.
I explained it was a needed process for me to put words to a complicated world of confusion and pain.
I explained that this site is far greater then a bunch of broken people rehearsing the hell they have gone through and continue to go through. That this was a place where survivors like me could learn, find truth and encouragement, and most importantly find a way up and out of this hellish trap. I explained that there are many who are making the journey out who are coming back down in to this hell to encourage each other and point the way and offer a cup of water to someone who doesn't have enught to make it. Why would you not want to do that?
i wish there were other words to use for different degrees and varieties of tiggers - it would make it easier to communicate. sometimes we use the term pretty loosely.
this is such a good description of what goes on here. i love the way you were able to articulate it. i've had very similar conversations with my wife.
my T says that you have to re-experience triggers in order to get over them. that by repeating the process you learn what you can do to take control of the situation and cause it to lose its power over you.
i hope you and your wife realize how well you are doing and what huge strides you are making. well done!