it is long way to reclaim all lost parts by destructive happenings like betrayal and abuse is.
I hope you are going to some therapy?
Disclosure I see as some kind of final part in healing/recovery, difficult to reach place and not for everyone.
Before that we should be fully aware of all our scars, proportions of destruction and we should learn how to set safe borders to abusive and "problematic" persons. Those are just some of important issues relating to disclosure and I think it is a lot.
For some of that huge work is needed and for some time.
Many of us came on terms to deal with abuse many years later simply because we weren't mature enough to take it in full and comprehend it.
Please don't be hard on yourself.
Many of us have repeated some mistakes during healing journey; we are learning slowly on that path and trough making some steps forward and some backward too.
Take care of yourself!