Hm so „tough” decision is to keep everything unchanged, suppress your deepest desires and shield everything with religion?
There is no way that this is good decision.
The most troublesome part is your suppression upon yourself. I would expect that you will have some serious psychological problems during course of time no matter what your religious or any other believes are because you are living in HUGE denial and one big integral part of yourself is locked…you have time bomb inside yourself…
To get out of this situation would mean real change and fight and that is not easy so I can understand why you prefer to go old way.