Oh shit, it went great for my sake but really hurt one of the other guys, I guess it triggered him, I had no idea.
As the other guys came in one at a time they'd ask how I was doing and I'd say I was "better", I was "dealing", etc, We got drunk in short order, these are my hard-drinking titty-bar fratboy buddies. Well. There was no shortage of the normal sex talk, and one guy actually said something like "Matt, you of all people should know - blah blah blah" I missed the end but laughed along with the rest anyway. I felt good, we could have our usual conversations as always. The guy who had his own CSA issues eyed me meaningfully a few times but we only spoke briefly - about how bad 2012 had been for each of us in general.
And... this was surprisingly bad... the gang-beating guy kind of fell apart. I don't know if my story triggered him or what, or how it started, probably had to have been that since what else has changed since we were 19? Regardless soon he was fully in it, how it hadn't been 4 guys beating him at once but rather 4 guys each taking their individual sequential turn at beating him to death... one guy would beat him basically to death but not kill him, he'd be allowed to crawl and beg for his life for a while, then another would start in on beating him basically to death, and so on. I felt sad and helpless as he poured out his pain, not a tough guy anymore, getting real choked up, as close as a "tough guy" can get to crying in a public bar, as we comforted him... on and on into how they slowly tortured him to near-death. There was nothing to do but reassure him that he hadn't lost anything in our eyes, was still all man, try some jokes to cheer him up... what else can you say?
That was an awkward ugly 20 minutes in a 3 hour evening hangout. They still get me. I wasn't treated any differently, there were a few awkward silences but in general going along with what I wanted in terms of my own normal treatment. Next month im sure it will happen again.
I feel amazingly better, knowing I'm still the same guy to my friends even though they know. I'm just sorry the "serious conversation" switch took one of my friends a place he really couldn't go.
Edited by SoccerStar (01/12/13 06:26 AM)
"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny