Hi everyone,

This probably should go in the introductions because I'm new here. I've been lurking for a bit though so I thought I'd drop a quick hello before launching into what brought me here. I'm a 27 year old social worker, and I was emotionally, and sexually abused by a family friend around my age when I was 11. I've been with a great T for nearly a year now and we've been making good progress. She was out of town though recently when I found out that I would need to have exploratory surgery on a tumor on the base of my spine. Well be meeting again soon to resume our work.

I spent last week in the hospital after the dr removed 95% of a mango-sized tumor from the base of my spine. The rest is in my pelvis and unreachable from the incision site.. I'm waitingj to find out from pathology if its cancerous or benign. While I was in the hospital I had to have a catheter placed while I was awake. I was lucky enough to have a good friend there who disclosed my status to a nurse who was very understanding and by gentle. I had a flashback nonetheless. I've been feeling very stuck in that panic this week as my urinary flow has not quite recovered. The dr has confirmed this. A normal side effect of meds and not a uti, but its been very triggering for me. The whole thing has. I never had the tumor checked because I was sure it was a pocket of the abusers semen, or our malformed baby in a teratoma. The staples holding the wound closed feel like a zipper the perpatrator could use to reach inside me now if he wanted to.

Im home alone for the next week while I recover and while Im getting support from family about the surgery, i have a limited support network regarding my abuse history. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I guess just some relief in common experiences. I've sort of given up control of the medical side of this, que sera sera, right? But I'm wondering if anyone else has had similar fears or difficulty getting those fears under control. Thanks every one for listening. Over the last few months I've watched you all be so incredibly open and supportive of one another. I hope I can do this too someday,