My brothers,

I'm struggling with something which is tying me up in knots.

I dated a guy during august/september last year. We hit it off instantly. Connected on many levels, but didn't connect sexually; primarily because I was surprised I'd met someone so awesome that I could enjoy is time with. And also because he's not typically the kind of guy I'm physically attracted to.

Well, I made the mistake of getting physical with him too soon, and as a result, developed feelings of love for him (this is typical of CSA survivors).

He put the breaks on our dating. We didn't talk for a few weeks, and then started communicating and have hung out a few times since mid November. Each time we enjoy each other's company, but its been strictly platonic.

I've communicated to him in not so covert ways that he was attractive, handsome, and complimented many qualities of him. He has largely been unreciprocal. So I have taken the hint, and have decided to let go of my stronger feelings (how I do that, I don't know).

What I do know is that I would really love to be his friends. He has all of the qualities I admire in people I would want to befriend; he's hilarious, brilliant, charming, challenging, insightful, sensitive, honest.

I'm all tied in knots because I really want to be his friend, pursue a friendship, and I'm also acknowledging that I still have a part of me that wants something more from him. My therapist has encouraged me to embrace the feelings of want, and try to pursue a friendship with him.

I don't know how to do this. It's been fairly easy to hang out with him in spite of these complicated feelings, but when he's invited me to do something with him AND with another girl, I just about fell on my face. What does it mean when someone wants to include another person? I feel violated, confused, and don't know what the appropriate response is.

So I said I would have to pass, because my schedule is going to be tight (it will be). If the girl wasn't coming, I would try to swing it, just so I can get some time with him. But since the girl is coming, it adds another layer of complexity I don't know how to deal with emotionally. Not certain I can be entirely present as I try to process my feelings.

Hope all that made sense. It's a complicated emotional entangled thing. I'm astonished that he's willing to be friends, in spite of the feelings I have expressed for him. I'm equally astonished that *I* want to be friends, in spite of how complicated the feelings are for me.

All I know is - I would regret not trying to be friends with him, because meeting someone like him is an extremely rare event in my life. I need MORE people like him in my life, and to walk away from this friendship/relationship because its so complicated would be something I would probably regret for the rest of my life.


Does anyone have experience deciding to be friends with someone they also have deeper feelings for, but realize that their deeper feelings will not be reciprocrated? And if so, did you have any regrets pursuing a friendship with them? I know that hindsight is 20/20, so I'm looking for answers from anyone who has experienced this.