You have found the right place, you are not alone. I was gang raped while in the military. It took me nearly 20years before I started dealing with it. Just like you I wonder how these bastards live with themselves everyday, knowing what they did. If you don't want to talk on the open forum, you can send me a private message. It can be found under "my stuff"
You can read my story on www.kilimalesurvivor.wordpress.com
I once considered myself a victim, then I became a survivor. It does take time but you too can become a thriver.