You know Life I've been into some forums where people are also in getting some very distributing changes that are more than thrilling for them. Later some are happy and some have had a lot of troubles. But in all cases it is very hurtful to track such developments for me. I was attracted and brought there by my destructive forces.
Those people there all have had terrible and compulsive drive to do it and to take unimaginable risks and they all are lost and like imprisoned to such fetishes.
Do I need to add that many of them are probably victims of sexual or some other abuse?
Can I be direct and ask you if you have arousal of idea of urination or defecation into diapers?
I tried to say on my first reply that my guts reacted on your post on diapers in other part of the board which means that I somehow recognized here some sorts of submissive feelings that my subconscious is looking when I'm full blown during my worst compulsive highs.
I hope you'll find your way to have some sort of control over it and be successful in developing your other skills needed for socialization, having more fun in open air, exercising and healthy living, finding job, finding love and so on....
Unfortunately we all have some sort of distractions left as scars of some traumas (not necessarily traumas of sexual abuse) that hold us preoccupied and distracted from using our full potential to live freely. And I found as main goal of therapy to be finding inner strength that will allow us to be free of such very unhealthy compensatory developments and coping mechanism. Unfortunately we all fooled many times so we think that we will be happy in letting that dragon out, in such cases it is not even "we" who are acting out but rather some sort of undeveloped entity that is more dysfunctional than functional.
Keep sharing with us!