Hi, my fraternal brothers,
New Year in healing greetings temporarily from Germany.
I'm not one to offer advice on how to relate to a wife or to any other female for that matter.
I had known nothing but hate & fear from a female, just one damn female in my life and I had condemened all of them in hate & fear. That female was my 'mom.'
Being born gay, most likely didn't help either.
But, after about 70 years of my life and I was involved with a 12 week PTSD sexual abuse group. The T had decided to challange me on my life long hate & fear of (all) females. He asked me Pete you are telling me that there was no female in your youth that might have tried to love & comfort you? No one? Here is what I want you to do when you leave here and between now & next session i want you to ge deep inside of yourself in a healthy way and think about my question.Make a list of any female that you remember fondly during those trying times. OK, sure did and lo & behold there were about eight. I wrote them down. Next session he confronts me on my assignment, infront ofthe group. What have you come up with?
Here is your list. Well Pete, you have told me that you hated and feared all females, and here you are giving me a list of females whom had shown you some sort of love & care. So, Pete how can you say tht you hated and feared all females, when here is a list of eight that you did remember and you did not hate, or did you? No sir.
Well Pete, how about you try and rewire your emotions & feelings about your hate & fear and accept the new meanings that you didn't trust all females? You only hated one and wished that she was dead. One, Pete of all the females that have come accross your path in your life, including your (seperated) wife of 36 years.
I have spent a week here with my seperated wife, trying to get her to understand that I never had made any kind of an emotional and mental bonding with a female in my life.
I never knew how to love & bond with a female, but, I knew and had bonded emotionally & mentally with males.
Yes, Helene,I did ruin your life, for that i'm truly sorry. I didn't know how to love you, but I had always cared for you.
I'lladmit that you gave me 100% plus of yourself, but this gay boy/man never could give you any in return.
So, my brother, you seem to want and try to keep your wife & family. Trying to re wire our emotions mentally and re learn how to care for and appreciate the females that we had come in contact with.
I have tried my level best to try and get my wife to understand on how she got involved with a closeted gay boy/man, and is now paying the price of loving him.
Perhaps a 12 week PTSD group therapy might help you. I'm sure that those other books are of a help and naturally a competent T will be of a help.
My, brother I offer you my compassion, understanding & hope
in trying to save your family life. Wishing& hoping that your wife will try and lead you along.
Hope this is of help for you. You are not alone in being an emotional retard.
'I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity.' As he is me.
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.