Hi Snowy.
You need a two pronged attack, for the ladies that just come into the group and then for those that have been through the mill.

CODA is a format that I recommend for the Partners of Survivors here in South Africa. There is also a book called Codependent no more that has a program for people just coming into the program,

After that the Al Anon format is a good one, it has a 12 step pogram that can be adjusted to suit your need ie: change the afflictions like step one

1) We admitted we were powerless over Our husbands CSA—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4)Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5) Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6) Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7) Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8) Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9) Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10)Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11) Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

A lot of these sound like you are at fault, but this is not true. Search out the promises of aa and the traditions, and these will make you feel a lot better.

A good Facilitator is not a must, you ladies have more experience than any facilitator in the world so support one another. There is a great relief in talking to others that are going through the same, makes you realize that you are sane and that after all is what we need to hear.

Hope this helps

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