Thank you, SamV. You're right. Everything he hears from me is berating criticism at the moment. He feels like such a failure and hates that I support the family and that he needs me so much, not just financially but emotionally. It's one of the reasons he's leaving, so that he can gain self-sufficiency and self-esteem and a life that doesn't revolve around me. He's fearful that he lost me or that he will lose me and that he will get hurt by me, so he'd rather chuck our relationship away now.
I think I need to just back off, even though it's so hard that he comes in and out and I don't know when I can rely on him. I need to just rely on myself and concentrate on taking care of the baby. And stop contacting him. I'll let him know what I want and that I love him and am there for him. But that's it.
I'm just afraid of doing the wrong thing. Pushing him or him thinking I'm judging or criticizing is the worst thing for him, though I don't want to feel like I am condoning his bad behavior, either. I think I just need to distance myself from it. He must know he's not okay and not acting okay, but I don't need to tell him that, too, right?
The money situation is frightening and his spending is also out of control. I don't think he would jeopardize his son and I'm hoping he will figure out a way to bring in an income and contribute instead of his leaving being a big financial burden on us, too.