Well done opening up in therapy, it takes courage, strength and fearlessness to be vulnerable and honest like that. If I were a guy I'd be thinking wow...where can I find me a woman like that?!! hehe. Seriously you must have done some hard work on yourself to step up like that. Sounds like your h. was completely and totally terrified and out of his depth. The running, avoiding, roadblocking are textbook and understandable to a degree, but unfortunately quite toxic and effective in destroying intimacy.

I told my survivor once, "Be careful pushing me away. You might succeed."

I almost stood up and cheered when you said "I love him but I love myself more." We all have a line and it's not our duty/job to be a punching bag, and last time I checked they aren't giving out any medals for putting up with @#$%. It's not wrong to want (and demand) to be respected, valued and treated with dignity and care.