Hay Jay75 and all,

Wow, thanks I think you are describing me, where I find myself as well. I don't like my self when I am around people. Besides my wife and kids. More now then before. A layer of denial has been removed surrounding my csa, age and memories. I want to just go away and heal. Come back when I am more whole.
I am also looking for a way up and out of this quandary.

I keep thinking EMDR and the Trama, stuff needs to be delt with. My fear is I will fall apart in the process. I just need a plan. Many of you are out of this pit. Thanks for leading the way. One day I will fight our way out.

Until then, I am tired of fealing trapped in this pit. But I see some hand holds and I will get out.

Just because it's complicated doesn't mean we can't figure it out.