I am sorry you are having such a hard time today
I too am an incompetent child feArful of spiraling out of control. Perhaps we all are. The misplaced emotions in my experience is the explosions we have have from the fear, anger (rage?)from the humiliation, violation and betrayal of our past.
You have learned you can trust your wife and kids why not be with them and avoid the a**holes of the rl. Disrespected by other family members much less the other people in groups with so much indifference.
Clarity and become who we are is all part of recovery. I don't know if you will be who you used to be. What I do know is that who I used to be was built on psychotic delusions that minimized my CSA and other abuses. I remember saying I was not severely abusaed, they never broke my bones. As though that was an appropriate measure.
You will find a journey that makes the strong hold it has on you diminish. Weather that lets you go back cannot be foretold.
Your openness and sharing is proof that age has not made you weak.
May God Bless you and keep you, and grant you peace.
Edited by genedebs (12/28/12 12:31 PM)