Hey Finally.
I am still here and surviving.I ment to PM you for sometime now.I have been around just kind of quiet I guess.I sometimes I think I learn more from the postings here then from any other resourse.I was in the chat room last night(it was packed).I have learned that I am not alone or living in a vaccum since coming here to MS.I can't tell you how many times I have read a posting from another survivor and it is like a page right out of my life and what I go through.Fear seems to be my biggest struggle.Someone shows an act of kindness or pays a compliment and my reaction is all wrong.I can't trust it and I slip into this protection mode. Like what is the real motive. I guess lack of trust goes right along with fear.It is like always being ready to run or fight for my life( hense the name Sentry).I know I push people out of my life when they seem to get to close. I can't seem to help it. The fear is just to strong. My life has always been living or existing on the run. I still see my younger self standing there in the shadow alone facing away from the me.I can't seem to find the right words to say and I am deathly afraid to approach him.I don'tknow if that makes an sense to you.
A while ago you mentioned that you had been going to some support groups over the years in Southern Ont.I was wondering if you could share more info about them. You can PM if you would rather.
Since being here at this site I have already found tremendous relief from the terrible isolation I had been living in for most of my life.Christmas has always been a time of year I have dreaded.I would rather be in Iraq.It dawned on me yesterday that allthough I am not to the point of celebrating I am more stable than then I can remember being. I believe it is due to people here like yourself Finally that check on others and offer some support. There have been a few other suvivors her that have done so much to help me!!! Please accept my gratitude. I want so much to pay it forward.