The problem is that it's not all about HIM. (and by that I mean us survivors) He has a bad day and you have to try and make it better. You can't say anything to upset him but those rules don't apply to him. He can fly off the handle and because you are supportive you take it. You fear that giving some of it back would move him further back than he currently is. Because you were trying to be supportive and be as gentle as you can with him he does what he wants and has no boundries. If you try to put some boundries on him (for his own good) then you are a controlling bitch. If you knew what you know now back when his issues were just starting to surface you might have been able to help him better but now he and you are both in such a deep hole that it seems impossible to ever get out.
At least that's how I see it.
It is incredibly distructive on you and it's no surprise you at some point can't take it anymore. And this is why you are always told to take care of yourself first. To set boundries if you can. If you keep giving 110% then eventually there will be nothing left of you. (the law of conservation of energy)
Often I wonder if you just have to take the tough love approach. I'm sure it will work most of the time. The problem is that some times it might just be the wrong thing for that time. You only know if you had the right aswer after the fact.
But then what do I know.
And I don't mean this all to be about you HD001. Just the impression I have for being here a short while. Take care of yourself.