You have every right to be here. Parts of your story are just like mine, and I have learned this much since I came here and started working with a counselor. No abuse is ever the child's fault...even if they think they wanted it. The adult is the one with reason, and the adult is the one responsible for taking advantage of a kid, because a kid does not have the ability to reason like an adult or make choices based on that like an adult. My perps...5 by the time I was 10, convinced me they were filling my need for affection because at home I got physical and verbal abuse. They lied and tricked me, not hard to trick a little kid, for their own purposes. They did not do it for me, they did it to me.
I am very glad you found this site. It's awesome, in that I mean so many people here really care about each other and they get me. Because of being here and in starting with a counselor, I am so much better now and I've only been here since July (2012). Yeah, I have work to do but I am making progress. Please know you were never, ever, defined by abuse or what the perps may have told you. You were not created to have your childhood hurt in that way, and it was NEVER your fault, no matter how your body reacted. When they told you that, they lied to get around their own guilt.
I hope you find healing here like I am finding, and know that we care about you. Welcome brother! Freedom is coming. I know that is true for me and it can be for you too.
�We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.� - Plato