Originally Posted By: Jude
But lets take care not to retreat into some "feminized" form of male sexuality that only gives us the choice of sex in intimate, committed, long term relationships.

Ok, I get this. I think it has a lot to do with why we choose to have sex. I guess it's fine when it's sex only for the sake of sex - purely physical. But when I read my post again, I was talking about occasions where I had sex, but what I was really looking for was intimacy. Sex is not intimacy any more than it is love. So I didn't find what I was looking for, and that was probably why I was left with a bad feeling...

I guess I am also burdened with an amount of guilt for the way in which I treated my late wife for the first part of our relationship - I often recognise my own actions in stories about domestic abuse. The only thing I never did was hit her (thank God!). So I tend to over-compensate when it comes to how I treat women...

Originally Posted By: Jude
I think one of the principles of recovery is taking back control over our sexuality as men. In doing so we don't have to fit anyone else's definition of manhood. We get to define that for ourselves, as well as being responsible for our choices.

That, yes. I think that's the most important point.
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is whose life is it anyway because livin'
Living is the best revenge
You can play
-- Def Leppard

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