No Still, itís what I wish for, my ability to accept intellectually is there, but in my heart, I would trade everything to not know what I know, to be normal, to just to be able to enjoy the little things, ďitís not your faultĒ and Iíd give anything just like you would not to be here opening your soul for all to see reliving every painful and shameful memory, and trying so hard to keep going. This shit just sucks cause for me the angers gone but every moment is pain. I wake up itís there, I toss and turn all night itís there, I wake up itís there, it doesnít go away itís a part of you, so unless you go away, itíll always be there, a constant companion, till death do us part. I mentioned my previous statements to the wife, I should have known I was being delusional, itís so easy to lie to yourself when your been doing it for so long, hell itís almost easier to lie to yourself then to others right.

"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine