You ever have one of those days when then whole day is just one long series of fuck-ups? Todays was that day for me. And it doesn't help matters when you're the new guy so when you screw up everyone thinks that because you're new you must be some kind of blithering fucking idiot who has to be led around on a fucking leash for fear that he'll walk off a cliff and kill himself even though you probably scored higher on the entrance exam than half of the people you work with. Yeah, because your the new guy you are blamed for shit that's not even your fault because nobody else want to take responsibility.
The whole day felt like that and it didn't help that we had to stay at work longer than usual so I was stuck in a tiny room with a bunch of people laughing and joking around because they all know each other and you don't know shit. So I stay in my little chair in my little corner and in my own little world playing on my phone waiting to be told to go home. And the fucking supervisor actually had the nerve to say that he was pleased with us and that today was a pretty good day. I wanted to jump up and yell "Bullshit!!! Not for me!!!" But I kept my composure until I was able to get back to my room.
Finally home, away from most of them. I immediately wanted to run to my journal and pour out my problem onto its always welcoming pages but I chose to drown myself in a bottle of alcohol instead. My brain feels like its underwater and slowly the days problems are starting to feel like jokes I've heard over the radio. They make me laugh at their absurdity and suddenly everything feels childlike and simple. I don't usually turn to alcohol but today, I feel, warranted it. I just needed something to blunt to pain, the embarrassment and anger. God, I hope tomorrow is different.
Yet another 24 hours.