Welcome to MaleSurvivor. There is a lot of information on this website (see my signature line), and a ton of sharing in these forums.
I cannot tell you if you were abused: you know more about what happened to you in your teens with this man. IMHO, the trick is how this affected your sexual development. I know I would have developed a lot differently if it weren't for the abuse and introduction to sex from older males, and that it has taken a lot of intentional, deliberate work to reclaim my own sexuality vs. what others pushed onto me.
You shared about your current "sexual identity crisis", and that you were married for 8 years. The only thing I can suggest is taking the time to journal, reflect, and be completely honest with yourself about your sexual beginnings, habits, behaviors, conduct, and relationships so you can sort it all out.
As far as addiction to online pornography, I can share that I sought out sex hook-ups off and on for two decades-including online sexual stimulation and connection-all of this was outside of any kind of intimate, affirming relationship.
I've been in SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) for a number of years and that has helped me live free from the compulsive pursuit of sex that undermined my self-esteem, relationships, and future. The 12 steps have given me a new way to live.
For me, this activity and endless pursuit deepened my confusion, isolation, shame, and never resolved anything for me. It further tangled my sexuality and only made it more difficult for me to honestly connect with my sexuality at a deeper level.
Part of being honest about where we have been and what we do is that it allows us to feel our feelings without judgement and more truly. I can only say be gentle and truthful without judging, and read as much as you can about the topics of abuse, addiction, relationships so you can move ahead with your life in a positive, sustainable way.
The confusion, porn, solo-sex and escapism never worked for me. Please feel free to pm me with any questions you have: and keep sharing where you are at.
Edited by Mountainous Buck (12/12/12 01:43 AM)
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.
�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner